Synchronicity

Talked to my mom this morning. She is convinced I should contact a friend of hers about a job “because they are hiring”. While I need a job with good insurance, better pay and the security of a government job would be great and all…I just can’t see starting a new job with only 5 months til I leave. By the way she did not acknowledge this fact at all. Now I have told her. I’m not sure if she has forgotten or chosen to pretend that it is not going to happen. For like a second I doubted myself…

After talking to her I logged onto my computer…..this quote was posted by another thru hiker:

“Alongside our greatest longing lives an equally great terror of finding the very thing we seek. Somehow we know that doing will irreversibly shake up our lives, our sense of security, change our relationship to everything we hold as familiar and dear. But we also suspect that saying no to our deepest desires will mean self-imprisonment in a life too small. And a far- off voice within insists that the never-before-seen treasure is well worth any sacrifices and difficulty in recovering it.”
-Bill Plotkin, ‘Soulcraft’

With that, I realized I would not be making that call. 

Breaking away from the “norm” has created a great deal of anxiety for me. While there is safety, security and familiarity in the norm it doesn’t make my heart sing and my soul soar. I need, want, will stay on my current path. The desire to hike the PCT is in me now, not later, now.

When I return maybe I’ll get that job with better pay, insurance and all the things; or maybe not.  The path I’ve chosen may will have it’s ups and downs, heck I may fail miserably at this whole endeavor but at least I will have tried.

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